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Nov. 17th, 2008 | 01:35 am

I started a (what I hope to be) professional journal with a potential of a fanbase. If it works out. Link is: http://wilelove.blogspot.com/ 


So please visit! I'll still be posting here every once-in-a-while.

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Illegal by Shakira

Nov. 16th, 2008 | 04:27 am

Who would have thought
That you could hurt me
The way you've done it?
So deliberate, so determined

And since you have been gone
I bite my nails for days and hours
And question my own questions on and on

So tell me now, tell me now
Why you're so far away
When I'm still so close

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

I tried so hard to be attentive
To all you wanted
Always supportive, always patient
What did I do wrong?
I'm wondering for days and hours
It's clear, it isn't here where you belong

Anyhow, anyhow
I wish you both all the best
I hope you get along

But you don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
You said you would love me until you die
And as far as I know you're still alive, baby
You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry"
I'm starting to believe it should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

Open heart
Open heart
It should be illegal to deceive a woman's heart

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Frustration.

Nov. 14th, 2008 | 01:09 am
mood: frustratedfrustrated

I pour my heart out and I still have to wait for time to give me an answer.

I try to apologize to someone and all they do is question my intentions for it. She texts Billy to find out if I'm just apologizing in order to use her to get to him. It makes me so frustrated. Something I ment in a sincere form, to further purge negative feelings, seems to have turned itself on me. Or maybe I'm overreacting. Billy told her I'm not that kind of person. My attempt at being sincerely seems to have failed. I used to have such an extrovert, friendly character. The more bitter I become, the more introverted I get. The less I want to open myself and be friendly or nice to new people. I try not to care too much. But I'm always emotional about everything. Does it make me an asshole though to not want to meet new people and try to trust them?
 
/Edit: Now that I think about it, this is me probably feeling the flip side of the other 'apology' situation. But, I did mean to be so direct. How could I help it after everything that happened last year? Either way, I'm not some kind of monster either. I'll act complete civil and friendly, if that situation where we meet again were to ever come across. It's all over. That is the point.

I believe I am staying in John Jay for spring semester now for certain.

I'm dreading the month of December. Not so much the holiday season per say. More so Billy's birthday. I'm not sure how all that is going to work out and it completely sucks that I won't even get to spend it with him. I get to see him, but I'm left out of the loop of things.  I don't count, apparently. Or at least - I'm not as good as his friends.

I hate the situation I am in now.

I want to dye my hair. I didn't get to do it yesterday. The rain/lack of money stopped me. =/

I need a serious distraction.

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(no subject)

Nov. 13th, 2008 | 07:15 am
mood: groggygroggy

My absences from my classes have been steadily increasing. It's already November and I hardly ever go at this point. I feel guilty about not doing so, but then apart of me needs the rest and alone time. I've sent e-mail's to my professor and for the most part, they seem ok with it. But I know my grades won't be anything special this year. I still need to talk to an academic adviser on how to change my major to the new English major they have at JJay and what classes to take. Today is the first day I can actually register.

Now I'm laying here in the darkness of my room, with a slight headache and very thirsty. Debating if I should get up and go to class. If I don't, it'd be the first week that I haven't gone to class at all. Something that is quite inexcusable.

My hands look very old in the light of my computer screen.

I'm not sure what to do anymore, to be honest. I feel no motivation in going to class and now I feel like a total loser for not going. It's like I'm a total bum. But then again... these days where I just don't want to get out of bed anymore . . .

It's 7:19am. I'll get something to drink and convince myself to go.

I'm also thinking about dying my hair today.

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(no subject)

Nov. 11th, 2008 | 02:00 am

My baby shot me down.

now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life.


I seriously feel huge waves of nausea now. This is the same feeling I had last year. This is what it is to be physically sad. I absolutely loathe it. I wish I were more calm about this entire situation. But it's already starting to feel like I have lost it all...

I stayed up all night and the morning is no brighter. Where do I hide to now?

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